Blog (I lack originality)

MISSION CALL

2009-03-04T22:47:00.000-08:00

Today, in a letter from the first presidency.... I got my call to serve in the Sao Paulo Interlagos Brazil Mission!! I leave on July 22nd. I couldn't be happier!!

Return

2009-03-01T23:17:00.000-08:00

I haven't blogged in ages.... I find I enjoy blogstalking and reading about other people, far much more than I enjoy talking about myself. It's just the creeper within. Anywho, I thought I would make a short little blog, knowing no one really is gonna read it probably because I haven't blogged in so many decades, however, I will be posting a legitimate blog up here sometime soon.

Lessons Learned

2009-01-19T01:50:00.000-08:00

So, in college and all its wisdom... you know... the atmosphere of a university... very intellectually stimulating. I have had a lot of good life lessons learned. I will share one now with my exclusive internet reading community:

-History Repeats Itself

Now I get really angry at this one, as any normal person should. However, all these normal people (myself included) are the idiots who don't learn from our mistakes. We study wars, we study relationships... everything goes in a pattern. I find it unequivocally frustrating... but it's also a little funny. We humans can be complete jack-asses. ha ha. There is my spiel.

2009-01-13T22:53:00.001-08:00

Today. I lost. I lost hard.

Ugh..

2009-01-13T00:27:00.000-08:00

Today wasn't great. I don't need to say a lot. But ugh.. I'm frustrated, annoyed, and confused. Not to mention... I love how everything comes to the surface at the same time. It's good because that way you have moments of nothing to worry about....However, you then have the moments where it's all on your head at the same time. Awesome. I just want a tiny bit of clarity...

Ok. The End.

Only Peter Never Grows Up

2009-01-01T03:53:00.000-08:00

It's really interesting some of the things I've been forced to dwell on lately... I have had one of the very best Christmas breaks imaginable to me. I have spent time with my family, my new nephew, my brothers and sisters. I've been able to watch my family grow in size and maturity, in ability... it all still blows my mind at how things can change so much, so quickly. This has been my last Christmas at home before I serve a mission (hopefully leaving in May) and it has really helped shove some things into perspective. Family- they are a constant anchor. No matter what they are there, no matter the drama, no matter the mistakes, they'll be there to help. Friends- I have watched so many of the people I love go so many different ways this past 6 months. My closest friends have become people whom I've begun to have nothing in common with, but I'll always be their best friend. It hurts me a little every time I have to say goodbye to someone, or watch someone that so strongly owns a part of me or my history go down a road that I can't follow. It hurts to have to say goodbye to people who you'll never love less, but you may never see. I hate wanting to be so many places at once, be essentially so many different people, people that satisfy every part of my being. Although through all of this, I have realized that this is what growing up is. Deciding which of those people you truly want to be. You have to pick who you are, and let the rest of it go. No matter what the case, or sometimes who gets left behind. You have to take the responsibility of the life you want to lead. All the rest... becomes the scar tissue that makes a strong person. I have realized and hit a lot of ends in my life, whether they be forthcoming or something I have been fighting against for so long. Eventually I will look back, or run into the people that make up my past (which has already begun to happen) and be happy for what I have done, and who I have done it with. However, through all the ends that have come, I have found that some things are supposed to be fought for. Some friendships aren't easy, but when the other is fighting just as hard as you are; for those brief moments with that person, all the fighting becomes worth it. I sincerely feel as if I have hit the end of my childhood. All the dregs that I have held on too, some that I will never let go of, have come to the forefront of my life and I have had to choose what matters. For instance: I am now officially enrolled in "pre-medical" classes. No more fluff generals... ha ha. I'm almost a junior, and the rest of my life has hit fast-forward and I need to find the track I'm supposed to be on. This sounds really austere, bleak, and cryptic... but I don't mean it sadly. It feels to me like a melancholy separation of sorts... I have to pick my battles in life and I can't spread myself so thin. I feel like the number of people you touch in your existence, and the number of friends you have is something so many people constantly worry about. But I think I would rather sincerely touch 20 people, rather than brush by 100, leaving them in my wake. There are those people capable of touching hundreds of hearts throughout their life, and whether I am one of those people I don't know. But at the end of my Christmas break I have come to the conclusion that the best way to say it comes from Peter Pan. Peter is talking to Wendy and Mrs. Darling, and this is what he says:

"Would you send me to school?" Peter inquired craftily.

"Yes." - Mrs. Darling

"And then to an office?" - Peter

"I suppose so." - Mrs. Darling

"Soon I would be a man?" - Peter

"Very soon." - Mrs. Darling

"I don't want to go to school and learn solemn things," he told her passionately. "I don't want to be a man. O Wendy's mother, if I was to wake up and feel there was a beard!" - Peter

"Peter," said Wendy the comforter, "I should love you in a beard"; and Mrs. Darling stretched out her arms to him, but he repulsed her.

"Keep back, lady, no one is going to catch me and make me a man." - Peter

Must I be caught and made a man? ha ha ha ha... I guess so. Only Peter never grows up.

Ashley Greene/Alice Cullen

2008-12-11T11:25:00.000-08:00

I am in love with Ashley Greene... That is all. Oh Alice.. what you do to me.

2008-12-07T01:02:00.000-08:00

This is just something... I have jotted down over the past few months. I was reading over notes and other things before my finals, and I put it all together. That's when I realized... I'm a fairly depressed person at times, but right now I feel pretty happy. However, I am posting this because I agree with it... and have felt like this at multiple instances.

"Love as depicted in literature, in movies… is wishful thinking. Real love is the love that you sit alone in your room hoping for. It’s the hole, gaping wide open in your chest yearning to be filled… but all you can do is sit on the floor, sit and listen to the music that keeps you together. The music that rips you wide open, but you can’t stop listening. Because the moment that song ends the reality of every situation in your life comes crashing down. With the music on you feel open, honest, and alive. Finally feeling... not numb through everything else.

The love you see on the screen… the love where these people are the one and only importance in their lives. The love where nothing else but that person matters; work, money… it all becomes obsolete when looking into their eyes. This is the type of love you will never possess. Reality is harsh, cold, heavy, and mean. So go to those movies, read those books, and wish you had everything they do; because you will never get it. This is the world I live in.

Emptiness is an interesting feeling. Your life could seem perfect. You may have a family, a future; people who love you… and you still feel empty. What is it you’re missing? Are you missing out on your dreams? Is your life passing by to quickly? Do you feel worthless, unacknowledged, and unimportant? I do. I have nothing.... nothing when I’m alone. I am forced within myself, and I find myself wanting… wanting more in everything.

I don’t become emotionally attached to anything anymore. It just sets you up to lose it."

2008-11-24T14:16:00.001-08:00

TWILIGHT MOVIE!!

2008-11-24T00:01:00.000-08:00

First off... I really liked this movie. The first time I just enjoyed it but I loved it the second time. The first time I was judging it a lot. Though I really think the Edward and Bella are completely believable, and for the script they were given (which wasn't the best) they did incredible. Absolutely so. I love Rob and Kristen... and it was just dramatic Twilight fun, were you expecting some mature life-altering oscar winner? No. It's Twilight people.. romantic sappy teenage love story. It's a completely hopeless love you just can't ignore. Of course they had to change the movie so it's not as good as the book, but look at the harry potter movies, they destroy the books completel'y. Twilight did a p'retty damn good job I think. All the critiques are like "Edward isn't hot enough.." Bella isn't great.... but that's all shallow. Once you look past the flaws which I think you'll be able to do. It's great... plus the scenery, score, and electric make out chemistry is awesome. Seriously, no one can deny the heat Rob and Kristen have on film. Really though... the scenery and Cullen house look like Frank Lloyd Wright built it. A complete sensual ravishment. I had always planned on movie back to Washington someday.. but now I just wanna leave everything and move now. Moral of it all... go see Twilight!!! Ah!! I'm so pathetically obsessed with Vampires.

President Obama

2008-11-04T22:09:00.001-08:00

http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/11/04/obama.transcript/index.html

This is the speech the President Elect gave Chicago and the world the night America decided to evolve and make a transition. As the first post-baby boom president, 44 year old Barack Obama is the first president to bring young children to the White-House since Kennedy. The man inspires so much hope, love, and peace to whoever listens to him. I really have faith in the guy and he gives me faith that this country doesn't have to be like it is now. The whole country is going to have a moral boost, even I don't mind going to school, gritting my teeth and doing what I have to because if I give my best to this country, so will OBAMA!!!

President Barack Hussein Obama- 2008

Think about that. It's awesome.

TWI-HARD

2008-11-03T22:59:00.000-08:00

Everyone is such a pessimist!! I am not ashamed to say I am a man that loves Twilight. I'm really a man that just loves vampires, but all in all I am pro Twilight. The movie comes out on the 21st, and the soundtrack comes out tomorrow (the 4th) and I'm finding people all around just bashing on twilight, and the actors and everything else (eh hem... .b.). However I would like to say that when you saw the Harry Potter movies were they exactly like you wanted? NO! Ron doesn't even have freckles. If you want a movie to be exactly like the book go make your own movie because everyone sees things differently. I am excited for the Twilight movie because even though I know it will be different, I learned the lesson of separating my feelings for books and observations of movies a long time ago to avoid meshing and disappointment. See the movie as a movie and the book as a book. Don't just go looking for flaws all the time because you can spend that time doing something else, like appreciating the fact that the rest of the world gives a crap that you love Twilight enough to even try at a movie. So there you have it. I love twilight, vampires, and all that creepy stuff and I am so ready for this movie!! Especially because miss B he doesn't look like that in the movie, he looks more like this.

ugh.. blitzed......

2008-10-30T16:20:00.001-07:00

I. Am. Putting. Myself. Too. Sleep.

2008-10-24T00:39:00.000-07:00

What Time is it? It's 2 in the morning, and I have class tomorrow... though instead of using the intelligence I'm supposed to be learning in college; I'm up and typing on my blog. The irrational thing is: I'm completely blitzed. I'm so tired I can barely stand lately, but it's now reached the point where I have no choice. I can't sleep because I'll sleep terribly, with nightmares on every dream scape. It's incredibly monotonous. I think I need a therapist. Because I have issues, issues I don't know how to resolve. ha ha ha... maybe one day I'll come together as a real person instead of a misshapen heap of humanity. (However, I'm great at making people think I'm all together so most people who read this won't think this applies to me at all; but it does.)

Until then, I have this to say:
"The greatest Crime Against Nature is the Affinity of Two Souls, Denied"

Oh School

2008-10-01T21:42:00.000-07:00

I keep thinking I'm not focusing hard enough on school. I'm probably not. Even right now I'm sitting in front of the TV watching Mr. and Mrs. Smith and typing this instead of doing more of the reading I probably should be. Or maybe I just feel like college should be a little harder? I know that sounds conceded. Or maybe it's even that I like most of my classes and am just taking a quicker learning to the lectures? Whatever it is, I probably should be doing more. I got a barely satisfactory grade on a test today and I'm not pleased. that's probably where all this is stemming from. Needless to say, I hate homework. Funny thing is, I know I need to learn more. I need more education; and I want more. I just don't want to keep reading about 'social deviance'. Ok... bye. I'm going to go watch Mr. and Mrs. Smith. I'd like to say I'm going to go read and prepare myself for class better tomorrow. I probably won't though.

My first blog in a long time...

2008-09-30T19:19:00.001-07:00

Well...I have this one friend who is kind of pushy and kept telling me to get a blog. So, to satiate her blood-lust and just because I love her. Here I am. Go me.

Now for a more realistic blog.

I'm schizophrenic. seriously. Lately I have been really having a hard time controlling my thoughts and emotions, which usually for me is simple. Most of the time I'm fairly detached. Part of a defense mechanism. Though lately I guess I can attribute the breakdown of my defenses to certain people. Making me slightly vulnerable. It's an interesting phenomenon. With all the vulnerability comes a lot of depression, elation...some definite mood swings. I'm not quite sure how to express it really. the only thing I'm sure of is that I miss some people I'm not in touch with near as much, and I'm kind of standing on the edge when it comes to a lot of areas of my life. Whether it be in relationships, school, a potential career... I just feel slightly frayed at all the edges. I think the worst part is knowing that this separation with the people I miss could be temporary, could be permanent. As well as those other things. They could create some drastic change in my life--though wouldn't I be happier? I don't know... I don't know a lot. I wish I could view myself 5 years from now and see who I was around.. what I was doing. However, life is not like that. If I've learned anything so far it's that what you do in this life matters. People matter.

My Chinese roommate asked me what was wrong this morning while I was kind of stressing out over a paper. I told him I just felt a little strained and exhausted. He told me, "Isn't that what college is all about?" Then he also proceeded to tell me he was actually talking about my black eye (which is another story entirely) and then he handed me some Chinese balm and patted me on the shoulder. God bless alternative medicine.